Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize