tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
