Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
