worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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