Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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