Cold hands, warm shart.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
