I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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