Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
