you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
