haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
