Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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