Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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