i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
