we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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