This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize