So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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