Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
