were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
