we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
