I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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