Someone shit on the floor
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
