If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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