did you get engaged???
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
