Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jerry, you need to find god
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
