sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
