my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
