So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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