dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
