mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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