You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
