Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's paper in my vomit.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
