Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
