Where is the hickey?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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