If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
