Cold hands, warm shart.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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