I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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