Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
