Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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