They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
