Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
