dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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