my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i dont even know how to be here
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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