check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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