so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
