So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's shark week go big or go home
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize