Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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