what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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