why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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