The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
