I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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