Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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