its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
