Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize