Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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