Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
