i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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