you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize