the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
