remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
