RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
