I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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