well you can't waste a boner
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My ass is underappreciated
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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