Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
