Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
