I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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